


Our Love is Broken, My Heart is Frozen

by FuwaFuwaMedb



Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-11-02 09:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20704103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuwaFuwaMedb/pseuds/FuwaFuwaMedb
Summary: No pain compares to this; to the cold and pointed feeling running through the veins, to the feeling of having so many pages of memories torn apart. Nothing hurts more than seeing the walls you put up be shattered only for the foundations to be shook by the sight of intimacy of the one who tore down those walls being tender with another.What is this feeling? What makes it so powerful?





	Our Love is Broken, My Heart is Frozen

There was a churning feeling happening in her chest.

A chill, raising goosebumps along her arms and freezing her to the bones. Each breath that she took in only seemed to bring the chill over her more. Each second seemed to bring another wave of the cold over her. 

She wanted to be anywhere but here. 

She wanted to be somewhere where she wouldn’t have to see this man laughing like this. 

It was wrong. 

That wasn’t the laugh that he normally gave. It wasn’t the laugh that mocked the one that had amused him. It wasn’t the smile that said that people were useless and unworthy of his time. 

Gods, what was this feeling? 

He was leaning a little closer to the woman though, pointing at something that the woman was looking at on her computer. He was making a remark, earning a laugh from the woman at his side. 

What was this stinging behind her eyes? 

Why had the world around them grown so cold? 

She needed to open her mouth. She needed to say something, to draw that attention back. He had to look away, return to normal. See her here, looking over at him while he sat with this woman and shared the part of him that she had killed and suffered to earn. 

But she couldn’t breathe right. 

She couldn’t think straight. 

Look. 

Look over here. 

What had happened to stay by my side? What had happened to those precious moment where he had held her in his arms at night, telling her to cuddle against him better? 

Why did it feel like someone was ripping her apart? 

Why did she want to pull every strand of that red hair out of the woman’s head? 

What was this? 

Gods, what was happening? 

“No, look here,” that gentler voice told the woman. 

She could choke with the air being this thick. She could fall to the floor from this feeling, unable to function. 

That wasn’t a voice that he used with people normally. 

It wasn’t a voice that he used for anything other than when speaking vaguely of his one and only friend. It was a voice that he saved for when something was overly precious. It was a voice that he saved for only when they were alone and he could indulge in a moment of nostalgia. 

“Gil…”

The nickname burst forth before she could stop it. It ran from her, called to him when her body was failing her. 

The man’s eyes looked up, the woman’s as well. 

He was pulling away from her, eyes widening. 

She couldn’t stay here. 

All of her emotions and thoughts were torn apart. All of her rationale was bleeding out onto the floor. 

Somehow, the moment his eyes met hers, Hakuno felt worse than before. 

She didn’t want that kind of look. She didn’t want that kind of reaction. He needed to do something different. He needed to react differently. 

Her body was turning without her consent. 

Her feet were carrying her down the hallway. 

She could hear the gates opening. She could feel the chains wrapping around her. 

There was a warmth in her chest as they caught her. A shiver running through her to the bone as he pulled her back. She could hear him lecturing her, his voice taking that usual pissed off tone he took with the other council members. 

She pulled uselessly at the bonds pulling her back to him. 

Water broke loose, falling from her eyes. 

The shiver gave way to a shuddering. The shuddering shook loose more of the tears. 

The man was turning her around to half of what she should have been. He was looking down at her in bewilderment to see the tears and emotions that were running free through her. 

Those red eyes were looking down at her, hands holding the chains that bound her. 

Anything that could have come to her mind and any understanding of what was happening to her was blanked out at the sight of the redhead hurrying to catch up to them. Her skirts were flaring out a bit around her as she ran. 

She slowed as Gilgamesh looked back at her. 

He looked over to her next, standing between them. 

There may as well have been a mountain’s valley between herself and this man. There was less distance between him and that woman now. He connected with her better. 

“Leave us, Gudako,” the man demanded to the redhead. 

Hakuno felt her throat tighten. 

She was jealous. 

She was actually feeling jealous of Gilgamesh becoming close to someone else as his personal confidant and master. 

When had she done this? 

When had she given so much of herself away? 

She couldn’t even see this woman anymore, the arrogant asshole of a man was blocking her view. She could feel him wiping at her cheeks, staring at the waterworks again and frowning. 

Did he know? 

She almost had to question why she wanted him not to realize. 

She didn’t need his amusements. She didn’t need him laughing and telling others that his former master had been overcome with jealousy at the sight of him with another master. It would hurt more, knowing that he knew. 

“You fool, cease your staring and speak. Why did you run from me?” 

No. 

She didn’t dare say it. She couldn’t tell him that. 

No, better to stay quiet than admit it. 

Gods, if he found out. 

“Hakuno… Hakuno, stop this.” He was wiping at her face, grimacing as he ruined his jacket sleeves. He leaned in closer. “Woman! Tell me who’s done this to you!” 

Don’t speak. 

Don’t say it. 

If he knew…

If he had any idea about what she was feeling…

“Did Gudako do something?” 

Gudako. She had earned her name being repeated by the king. 

His eyes widened a little. His mouth opened as though in a gape. Realization, she realized with mounting horror, had come to him. The smirk only confirmed it. The knowing look coming to his face as he narrowed his gaze a little and pulled her a little closer was making it impossible to see now. Her tears were mounting. 

“You fool.” 

She could feel him tilt her chin up, claiming her lips. 

The desperation was there, showing how far gone she was now. She clung. Gods, but how many woman had been like this before her? How many had been left to the sands of time? 

He was pulling her into his arms, his hands burying in her hair. 

And there was nothing she could do. She kissed him with every bit of this cold and this shaking that was overwhelming her. She kissed him with every bit of this aching in her being. The moment that the chains fell from her person, she put those arms to use by wrapping them around his shoulders. She clung to his shoulders and let the sobs take over. 

“I’m right here, you fool,” he breathed, pulling her to the wall nearby to continue this. 

Gilgamesh cornered her there, pinning her to that hard surface, kissing her to tear apart the last shreds of her good nature. 

“Be honest with me, Hakuno,” he demanded. 

She shook her head as best she could, but he wouldn’t give her space to escape. He was holding her there, trapping her in that space with only him to hold onto. 

He needed to not do this. He needed to let her go. 

Let the heart break. Let the fall happen, if only to let her move on. 

She would find a way to carry on. She would let him go. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he threatened on the other side of her tears. “So you need to start talking to me, Hakuno. Explain yourself.” 

He knew. 

He knew what this was. 

She knew that he knew what this was. 

Why did he need to hurt her even more? Why did she need to be his amusement anymore? 

That hand was stroking her cheek too well though, caressing her like his beloved wine glasses. His lips were pressing to her, drinking her in a little more with each affection. 

He swallowed and indulged in the pleasures of her presence, making letting go that much harder. 

“Don’t tell me that you came back to me finally only to be mute, Master,” his sweet voice teased. 

Her hands held onto him. There was far too much effort needed in blinking back the tears blinding her eyes. 

“Admit it,” the devil’s voice urged, his lips pressing to each of her eyes as she closed them. Kissing away the tears, or perhaps just tasting the salt of them. 

Her hand held his chest. 

“Tell me that you were jealous of her, Hakuno,” Gilgamesh egged on. His voice sounded so damn pleased. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” 

“Don’t…” Her voice was strangled, fighting against the air trying to reach her lungs and the pressures in her person. The tension making her want to curl up on the floor was making it too much to speak. “Don’t tease me.” 

He’d ripped it all away. Everything. 

Every moment in the Moon Cell, every trial and tribulation, every moment of intimacy, even the walls she had put up around herself, the pages she had put between herself at the start and him at the end; they were gone, shredded and shattered, thrown to the wind. 

So why was her chest aching? Why were her hands holding onto him like she couldn’t let go? Why did the thought of pulling back make her want to sob until the tears wouldn’t come anymore? 

“Gil.” 

He lowered them to the floor. There was no chance of moving her. 

She could feel his arms pulling her to him, feel one of his hands moving through her hair before she felt her face tilted up and his lips back against her own. 

Moments for air felt like lifetimes apart. 

Seconds separated from the onslaught of his warm breath and the feel of those lips against her own were like months of agony. 

He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be at her side. 

There was another master. 

There was someone else now. 

Stop kissing me, Hakuno thought, begged. Pull back and talk about her. Rip this wound open and take the last of what you uncovered. 

Gilgamesh wasn’t letting her indulge in the pains though. He wasn’t letting her do anything other than cling a little more. 

Don’t let go. 

The thought came with another of those series of goosebumps running across her skin. 

Don’t turn away. Don’t say anything. 

Let the moments like this keep going. Let the time just stop so they could be like this. 

She feared the moment it would stop. She feared the moment he would pull away and turn away. 

Better for him to be here like this, holding her and kissing her. She could tell her mind to stop. She could argue with herself. This was her counter argument. This made the memories fade of him speaking with that woman from before. 

This. 

Right here. 

He cared, her mind screamed. 

He’s right here, holding tight and pressing her to his chest. He was holding her like the most valuable thing in all the world. His plain and poor master, whose wallet was always near empty compared to his, he held her like she was something of immeasurable value. 

Her hands were on him again, holding onto him tight. 

The sobs and the tears were coming to a close, giving their final encore. There were no more tears to cry. There was no more pain to feel. 

His hands were pulling her legs up. 

The world moved, but she was finding his lips with every other footstep he took. Even as she tried to stop herself, she found herself kissing him, returning each embrace desperately. 

She could feel him laying her out on his bed. 

She could feel him pulling her shoes off, throwing them aside. She could feel him unbuttoning the white blouse she had on, his lips trailing along her chest to find her lips again. 

Attempting to roll away only ended with him grabbing her hands. Attempting to yell at him only earned his lips against her own. 

“What did I tell you before? Did you fail to hear me?” He pinched at her waist, pulling back only barely. One of his hands was lacing their fingers together. Her other hand was uselessly lying above her. 

She stared up at him, watching that blond hair fall towards her a little. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Admit it to me. Tell me what brought you to tears so badly that you couldn’t speak.” 

She drew a shaky breath of air. 

“Or maybe I’m mistaken.” His hand holding hers tightened. His gaze narrowed. “Were you not jealous at the sight of me next to that contractor? Were you not standing there, staring at me with the most monstrously grotesque heartbroken look I’ve ever seen on your face?” 

The mattress should pulled her away, summoned her anywhere else but here. 

She should have been deleted away from the universe with those questions. 

“Look at me,” he demanded of her. She could see the wrinkle forming between his eyebrows. His face growing a bit closer. “Hakuno-“

“I hate it.” 

He paused just short of her lips. 

“I can’t take it, Gilgamesh… I don’t get jealous. You’ve had plenty of women.” 

“Then what was this, Hakuno? Tell me what had you weeping the Euphrates in the hallway.” 

The man’s thumb was rubbing against her hand. 

She could feel the warmth and the weight of him and she needed more of it. 

Gods. 

Closing her eyes, she just took a moment, breathing. 

“Hakuno, do not fall asleep on me. I will make you confess in the morning-“

“Just stay at my side.” 

The words were breathed, filled with every single bit of that feeling in her person. Her eyes opened to look up at him. The world falling to place with those words. 

“Please… Just stay at my side.” 

The man’s face softened again. The smile that was so rare and cherished was back. She could feel him pulling her closer, feel him kissing her. 

Here, in the warmth of his arms, in the comfort of the muscle and weight of him around her; she could finally feel control coming back to her. 

“As if I would leave your side,” Gilgamesh huffed at her. “You took your time getting here, Hakuno. I put up with a mongrel every second that you were gone. And you would not believe the fights that she forced me to partake in. You had sense, knew the value in having just one, strong servant. This woman’s a fool, demanding six at a time in the field with her. Weak ones especially.” 

Her hand was still in his, but he’d pulled it between them, his thumb still stroking her hand. 

“You are useless to me jealous, woman. Cease the tears. I have no need for a redheaded master who cannot decide which servant is best.” 

She nodded. 

“And answer me when I bring things up. You have no explained what took you so long to get here.” 

Her lips pressed against their laced fingers. 

Her eyes closed. 

A pair of lips pressed to her hand holding his. 

“Later then,” he told himself softly. 

She pressed her lips once more to his. 

Just one more time. She needed something sweet to kill the pain. 


End file.
